Letters to Heaven: my tat journey, step 1.

Step 1. Consult & back story.

Before now I would not gladly talk about the scar tattoo that’s on the outer part of my right leg. But, after today, there is hope and excitement to turn this ugliness into something beautiful, but more importantly something with a lot of meaning to me. This piece will also end up being something very rare & unique considering all of the aspects that are going into the process, which is why I’m blogging about it. I just met with Jackie @Black Lotus Tattoo shop in Severn, MD. I’m thankful I have the opportunity to create something amazing with an amazing artist. Jackie was hired by Halo (owner of Black Lotus and featured on last season’s “ink master”), specifically for her work on cover-up tattoos. You can check out the shop and watch a short video on Jackie at http://www.blacklotustattoos.com/

Jackie has a degree in fine arts and she uses her talent and expertise to create one-of-a-kind works of art to help disguise and cover old tattoos and/or scars for her clients.

Although I will say that I had a little dose of reality today from my consultation, with good news & bad news. I have some apprehension, a little fear, and a little anxiety about this process. But, I’m going in… More on that later.

My story:

So, Summer-time brings warmer weather and exposed legs, which is something I have not been fond of the last decade (ish). I’ve always disliked showing the area of my leg that has been treated for tattoo removal.

I would get questions like “omg, what is that?”, or “What happened to your leg”. I have avoided pedicures at cheap random places because of this reason. I got tired of people always asking me about it. Or, I might have people try and guess what it is supposed to be… like the most recent one from one of the nurses, when I was in labor with Lydia, “is that a distorted Christmas Tree?”… Uhh, no… and then I feel like I have to give a short version of the story as an explanation as to why it looks exactly as it does in the present (so tired of this!!!). There really is no short way to tell the story either. I do have to give credible mention to Miss Maria at Emidio Vincenzo Escape Salon & Spa. From the first day of getting manis and pedis from her, Maria never questioned me at all, and she didn’t gawk or stare at that area on my leg even when she was right up next to it. I remember my first pedicure with her ever. I was just waiting for her to ask and getting ready to have to tell my embarrassing story once again, but she never asked me about it. I want to thank her sincerely for her class and respect for my privacy. It gave me the opportunity to share with her at my own leisure and comfort.

So how did my tattoo come about? I will try to keep this simple, but still detailed. So when I turned 18, yes I wanted to do the tattoo thing. I don’t think I wanted to do it because I was a little rebellious, I think at the time I just wanted to do it because I could and well, I liked tattoos. My first tattoo is on my left shoulder. It’s of Tiger lilies wrapped in water. I (still) love it. It was done by The Body Shop in Carroll County. My best friend at the time was dating the guy who worked at the shop, and I did not end up paying anything for the tattoo. I was very happy with it. It was pretty big for a first tattoo. But, I got through it. Well, the leg tattoo came about because a friend I was kinda dating, kinda not, at the time was just getting his tattoo career started. But, he was doing more Celtic design work at the time. I was looking through his tattoo magazines and I found a little fairy girl sitting on a rock. It was a bit detailed with the wings as far as coloring/shading goes. But, I thought it was so pretty and I wanted it on my ankle. Well, we did it and I was just not totally happy with the piece once it was completed. It did not replicate the one I chose. So, I lived with it for a while, well, until I heard about the possibility of a cover-up tattoo. So, back to The Body Shop I went, and ended up with a very traditional floral piece for the cover-up, but with it came a lot of heavy black and dark green shading in between the roses & other flowers. It was a teal & purple rose next to each other with hot pink and yellow smaller flowers on the top and bottom and lots of heavy dark shading in between (lots). Thinking back, maybe I would have kept it, but probably not. I just didn’t love it.

So, years later I heard about laser surgery tattoo removal. It seemed to be a relatively simple concept (yea right). I went to a couple of consultations and learned quickly it was going to cost a heck of a lot of money and no guarantee of complete removal given all the color my tattoo had. Also, other considerations go into laser removal like type of ink, brand, how deep the ink is, your skin type, etc. etc. A lot of your result ends up being unique to the individual. So, a plastic surgeon friend of the family was willing to try out his laser on me at a reasonable fee as more of making me his guinea pig, so I accepted! I have had probably 20 or more laser treatments and no more ink can be removed from my leg. The laser did what it did and the result is what I currently have. Going in with more laser treatments or trying a different type of removal treatment would not work because of how much that area has already been laser-treated, it’s, for lack of a better term, immune now to any other laser technology. Getting laser treatments is essentially damaging your skin tissue over and over again and the laser-treated area is just like one big scar. Black Lotus actually does feature a really cool Tat2Bgone laser removal system that is pretty painless, decent price and great results. Man if only I had waited!! But, I can’t change the past; I can only make decisions going forward with what I have to work with.

I never really wanted to share my story. Well now I am ready. It may seem silly but this tattoo represents many things to me. Not only does it represent the meaning behind the actual design of the flowers I am choosing, but it also has other meanings, like looking forward, accepting challenges, letting go of fear, and entering a new phase of my life.

This does bring me to one very important part. There is no guarantee with this process. The most laser treatments on skin that Jackie has ever tattooed have been 12-14 treatments. I haven’t had too many more than that though, so I have to believe it will be a similar situation. The other thing is even though Jackie specializes in cover-ups, mostly she’s covering up old tattoos, or other type of scars – she hasn’t tattooed over a lot of laser-treated skin areas which again is basically one large scar. I honestly did not count the amount of laser treatments I had. 20 is just a good guess.

Another issue is tattooing over laser-treated skin is generally more painful than getting ink on fresh skin. Although I will say when Jackie was rubbing my laser treated area and my fresh skin area, I had more feeling on the fresh skin as supposed to the scarred area. The scarred area almost seemed a little numb (probably a good thing in my case). And, even another aspect is that the tattoo may not look super bright once it’s healed – it may look more like a tattoo that’s 5 years old, or like a person’s tattoo with wrinkled skin, depending on texture of the scarred tissue. But, the most significant issue is that there is always a possibility the ink will not take well to the skin in the laser treated area. Jackie is planning to get in touch with the girl she tattooed a month ago over the laser treated area to see how hers healed. Jackie said she would know how difficult the tattoo will be as soon as she starts outlining. But, the other thing is that line work and shading can heal two different ways. As I was sitting there absorbing all of the information, I was completely thinking it wasn’t a good idea. But, then I started thinking that what is life without taking chances and having faith that things will work out. I’m sure people don’t pray to God about tattoos, but putting a little faith in him and in all the steps that have led me to this moment and this plan seemed like a good idea. If this works out, it could be truly beautiful.

I truly appreciated the honest information I was receiving.

Before I left my house I stuck cash in my wallet not even knowing if a deposit would be required to book a session and if so how much. It turned out that a cash deposit was required to book a session. I had the exact amount. I can’t explain it, but I just felt like I needed to go for it and not let my fear of all the unknowns hold me back. The first session is not until November 8^th; so in the meantime, I have a few things I can do to prepare my skin. Eat as clean as I can and keep hydrated. Things like coconut oil, almond oil, almonds themselves, extra virgin olive oil, anything with flax seed, sesame seed, omega 3’s, fatty acids – anything that is naturally good and will help to nourish the skin and get the blood vessels pumping. Jackie also suggested some scar creams. She recommended rejuvenesse, but I looked it up and it’s a bit expensive, so I found mederma has an overnight scar cream that should do similar what rejuvenesse does. Also, I can eat raw honey and / or apply it topically to the scarred area (not quite sure about the topical application). Vitamin E and Coconut oil products / lotions for the skin are good too. The Body Shop has a few of these products I could get. The idea is to get that area of my skin in the best shape it can be in before my first session. And, then pray it all turns out ok.

Onto some of the more exciting stuff is what am I going to get? Since Jackie is incredible at what she does, in terms of color & shading, design & creativity, I’m leaving it in her very capable hands. I’m just giving her the basics of what I want. Flowers, of course, is the easiest thing to do cover-ups with, especially an area like mine. You can manipulate the designs, the petals, and overlap as needed and still have a pretty piece. You can group them and cluster them together in various patterns and they work best. I am doing carnations (January’s flower for Lydia), then Larkspur or a Water Lily (July’s flowers for Joshua), and then violets or primrose (February’s flowers for Mom). Snowdrops were the other flower for January, but that would never work as they are very whimsical and simple in design and they are only white for realism. Carnations can be virtually any color and are denser and you can work with a lot of overlapping with the petals. A simple flower for sure, but a lot you can do creatively in tattooing while still keeping it real and covering more.

I want to remain optimistic. Jump in with me!