Letters to Heaven: April 2014

Lydia’s Baptism, Easter letters & Prayers

In so many ways I feel like my Mom sent Lydia to me. First, I conceived around Mother’s Day when I had barely even started to try; then my due was around my Mom’s birthday; and then finding out I was having a girl. She resembles her Nana so much, and Mommy :)

So, with the new Epiphany Star sculpture being dedicated and hung at St. Paul’s in memory of my Mom, this presented an opportunity to me. It sparked a beautiful idea to have Lydia baptized while Nana’s Star was still up for its first season. This particular year the epiphany season lasted 8 weeks, which is the longest it can ever last and does not happen too often, at least not that I’m aware of. Lydia would still be very young -most likely only 4-6 weeks old, and it would be during the winter, so that was a little concern. But, I just had to try, right!? God is always in control, but when the stars align you can’t help but think of God saying “Hey!” I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in the power and magic of the Holy Spirit.

So, I had some wonderful ideas swirling around in that head of mine regarding a baptism invitation and all of the symbols I wanted to include: Lydia’s name in the bible context (the book of Acts), the color purple, a tribute to Nana, our baby pictures (3 generations) and my Faith. I had so many ideas I had to get them down on paper, so I did. Then I sought out someone with the ability to help me put it all together into an amazing presentation.

From the advice of my sister-in-law, I looked on Etsy.com for some templates of the type of invitation I wanted, which was a 5x5 Tri-fold design. I ended up finding someone who fit perfectly in what I needed at that exact moment (Thank You, God). Not only would this person custom make and create my invitation from nothing but my vision and the size & style of the folded card, but she ended up relating to me on a personal level in so many ways.

Through our online conversations and sharing bits and pieces of my own story, I had learned she too lost a parent as a young woman just starting to have her babies. She was also a woman of faith. Christy and I clicked, and she worked with me one-on-one starting simply with the color & pattern choice. Then we moved on to the main context, font, symbols, layout, photos, etc. Since I started designing so early, it was great to focus on one small thing at a time until we found what we wanted. I’m super proud of the way the invitation ended up in the end. I do not usually consider myself to have a creative flair, but I think I superseded any expectation I would have of myself in the design of this card. Lydia’s baptism meant so much more to me than anything I can even describe.

When I thought maybe I was focusing the day too much on my Mom’s memory and not Lydia, a close friend of mine pointed out to me to consider how else will I ever incorporate my Mom into my daughter’s life going forward? Of course Lydia will know of her Nana and I will share stories with her and photographs, but to have her Nana be part of a special milestone in her life, this was it. And, I’m so happy I did it this way.

Once the invite was complete, since we had spent so much time communicating, the designer, Christy, and I didn’t want to say “Good-bye”, so we became friends on Facebook. Now we can share updates and inspirational messages and things along the way throughout our journey in life. For reasons such as these, facebook or any social media can be a great tool. As with anything, if you use the tools correctly, they can bring great joy.

Aside from the gorgeous invitation, my sister-in-law helped put together a background image of Lydia and Nana looking upon her, to be displayed on the screens at the Church during the time of the baptism. It was the perfect final touch to complete the day.

Additionally there were a few other details special to me. Lydia wore my baptismal sundress even though we were in the middle of winter (I was baptized in August); but I had lace trimmed white leggings and a long sleeve white onesie underneath the dress. The dress was hand-made by Elizabeth Shank’s Mommy, the girl whom I was named after. They were special friends of my Mom’s growing up. Lydia also had white socks with a small star embellishment on it for the epiphany star, and really fancy sequined shoes from Nanny Walker. My Dad also ordered a Cake designed after the one my Mom made for me at my Baptism in 1979.

My Dad wrote this special prayer for the luncheon following the baptismal service:

Lydia’s Baptism Prayer, by Poppy

Lydia is named after a woman of faith in the book of Acts and Alexis, her Nana in heaven, whose name means defender of man.

With those meanings in mind, let us offer a prayer of thanksgiving…

Lord God, gracious heavenly father, we give you thanks for the gift of Lydia Alexis Walker on this day of her baptism. May she grow up strong in the lord under the watchful care and Christian example of her loving parents, David & Elizabeth and Godparents, Janet, Becky, and Mike. As her faith grows, through the power of the Holy Spirit, we pray she will come to know Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior and be a witness to the meaning of her names.

As we continue our celebration, we give you thanks for this food. Let it nourish our bodies and remind us of the feast that all believers look forward to in paradise with you.

In Jesus Holy Name we pray, Amen.

This was such a special day in my daughter’s and our family’s life.

Dear Mom,

You knew me the best, as a woman, and just starting out as a Mom. I sure miss having you in my corner… someone who gets me and gets the things that set me off, and always understood some things that may be simple to some, can be major triumphs to me. I miss celebrating that with you! I miss being able to celebrate life with you, too…the good & the bad, the accomplishments & the even the fall-outs.

I’m sitting here in between tears & smiles just trying to finish this blog (you don’t want to know how long I’ve been writing this). Almost every time I think I’m settled for a little bit of time something needs to be done, or someone needs me. And, then I’m off in a whirlwind of what sometimes feels like never ending tasks. And then the forgotten thoughts in my mind start to resurface, such as “oooh! That coupon expires soon!”, “Hmmm, maybe we can run those errands there and the other errands somewhere else”… It just never ends and in the midst of my crazy stay-at-home Mom life I’m thinking about you on the hour.

I’m wondering what it was like when you were doing this very thing when I was little. I’m wishing I could talk to you on a more motherly level. I feel like I barely had the chance on this earth and in this lifetime to talk “Mom” stuff with you. I think we were a lot alike in many ways and this is where I could really use your humor & advice, your laughter & encouragement. I know you are with us, just in a different way, but it’s still so hard for me since I’m not just a soul – I still have an earthly body & mind so my comprehension is nothing like yours is now. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have anyone who truly gets me and what I go through when I’m struggling or sad, and that makes me feel alone a lot. I wish I had a good reason to pick up the phone in the middle of the day again. Instead I feel like a bottle of soda that occasionally gets opened accidentally, but only after it gets shaken too many times. No one enjoys that, right?

Anyways, during Holy Week & Easter I think of you a lot. I remember all the ways you made Easter special for the family growing up. I’m doing little things with Joshua that are new to him, but traditional for me. He really enjoyed dying Easter eggs tonight for the first time. I remember that Easter Sunday, 2012 was the last day and part of the night Easter Monday that you spent in your house… but, I also remember you were feeling so bad you couldn’t even walk outside to enjoy all the children doing the Easter egg hunt. That makes me sad and I know you don’t want me to remember that, but I remember all of it.

Dad continues onward with the Easter egg hunt and all the goodies. He had me help with the Easter baskets last year as I always did for you, but this year he’s got it all taken care of on his own. He’s doing such a great job keeping up with all the holidays, celebrations, and special events in his own special & unique way. It’s very sweet and I know you are giving him many pats on the back along the way.

Mother’s Day is drawing near and my daughter is blossoming and I am missing you so very much in all of it. I’m not sure I will ever get over having to live this part of my life without you. I try not to weigh my blogs down with feeling sad a lot, but it’s true and it’s real and it’s there front and center. I don’t talk about it aloud very often, so I talk about it here and it helps me. And of course you know I’m still happy too. I’m immensely happy all at the same time. That’s my crazy life. I just truly miss laughing with you and having you make light of a stressful situation when I need it the most. I need that a lot with J & L!

As always, I know you are forever listening. I love you. Happy Easter, Mom

“The Sun will rise to better days…” –A Great Big World.

Dear God,

As I reflect on Holy Week and all that Jesus has done for us and given to us, I thank you for giving us the gift of eternal life and the promise of forever in your Kingdom, in your presence. Please lighten my sad heart some and help me to find joy in many things to come and help me to bring love and encouragement to others who are struggling, especially those I love so much. I need a little patience too ;)

Amen.

Dad with Mom's Star

Front cover, back panel in memory & inside panel of Lydia's Baptism Invitation

Live Bright Designs "like" on FB

Liz's Baptism Cake, August 19, 1979

Mommy's Baptism Dress & Lydia's pretty things

Liz's Baptism: August 19, 1979

Lydia's Baptism: March 2, 2014

Lydia Alexis Walker

Under Nana's Star

Lydia's Baptism Cake

Mom & Me, Easter, 2008

Epiphany Star: Angela Zaloudek Photography

Inside Panels of Baptism Invite

Background Image, Courtesy of Angela Zaloudek Photography

LIUB 2014

One year ago, today, I posted a blog “why we light it up blue”, which shared our personal attachment to World Autism Awareness Day.

Just to recap a bit of Joshua’s growth this past year…

Joshua has made more tremendous strides and wonderful progress in his abilities and skills. We had a triumphant moment just a couple weeks ago when Joshua was finally able to put all the coordination [puzzle pieces if you will] together and ride on his tricycle all by himself. The trike was a 4^th birthday present from Nanny & Pa. Over the Summer and into the Fall David and I both tried working with him together, and then individually, multiple times to teach him how to hold on to the handle bars, put his feet on the pedals (and keep them there), and move his legs to make the trike go. He was not showcasing the motor planning needed to get all that together. He could do each part he needed to, just not simultaneously. We even tried to place his hands, legs and feet everywhere they needed to be and then move them to show him by example. If we did that, it was a total meltdown and very difficult to come back from because “I want to do it by myself!!!!” He would get extremely upset when you try to help him in any way. With his new P4 teacher at St. Paul’s, that was one key thing we were, and still are, working on. Basically we just continue to explain and let Joshua know it’s OK to ask for a little help and guidance sometimes, until he has mastered a skill. But, I tell you what, and his specialists all agreed, once Joshua does master a skill there is no going back. Once he gets it, he absolutely and totally gets it! It’s refreshing to see the changes over this past year. And, Joshua has had to deal with a lot of changes, including becoming a big brother just 2 months ago. He has been great with Lydia, but at times he’s a little overly anxious to her cries and other things, but overall he’s a very loving big brother.

I recently attended Joshua’s annual IEP meeting review with the P4 teacher, Speech Pathologist, Special Educator and Occupational Therapist. All agreed Joshua’s growth during his journey has been incredible. Unfortunately what I have learned due to grants and other things, Joshua cannot receive all available community based services within the program as long as he continues to attend St. Paul’s, since it is a private school. To get the full benefit of the program Joshua would have to attend his home school. It is always hard making decisions in the best interest of your children. You want to make the right decision for your child and for your family. For now, I am taking a little bit of a gamble and leap of faith. I am planning to keep Joshua in St. Paul’s for Kindergarten next year to see how he does. I met with his P4 Teacher and the Principal at St. Paul’s to discuss some of the concerns we have and I will soon be getting a specific recommendation on which K teacher to go with (there will be two different K classrooms and some re-staffing going on).

As a parent, my job now, and over the summer, will be to continue working with Joshua on specific areas that are difficult for him, including cut & paste art projects. He struggles most with the fine motor and motor planning needed to put together an art project from start to finish completely on his own. He has struggles with crayon / marker grip, scissor cutting and just placing the various pieces in the correct places. He needs a lot of prompts along the way. I will make up some fun and creative crafts we can do at home this summer and hopefully get him even more prepared for Kindergarten. I am also planning to keep him in his private OT sessions with “Therapy Solutions for Children” in Severna Park. He works one-on-one with a young lady there, Emily, and he has come super far in the last 3 months than he has the whole program, I think. We started out with gravitational insecurity issues, but those flew out the window pretty quickly and now we are focused on the fine motor & motor planning, as well as muscle strength and coordination. He is now doing complete zip lines, hanging on the entire time, pulling his legs up. His strength is increasing really well. They are focusing on his core muscles a lot. I will say they do still see that gravitational insecurity resurface when Joshua is presented with a new obstacle course or new activity that takes him off the ground. But as soon as he practices and gets used to it, he’s good! His courage is building and confidence level soaring!

I’m so happy with the progress he is making.

Specifically with the Speech Pathologist, Mr. Brian is backing off more and more with services and sees no need to even continue with those services, so that’s great!

Joshua reads books too. He can read books like Bernstein Bears, and The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

Are there still struggles? Well of course, he’s a kid,… what parent will tell you they have zero struggles with their children on a day to day basis. But, are those struggles and meltdowns manageable and significantly less than they used to be? Yes! Joshua has overcome many hurdles to get to where he is today and in the way he is functioning as an amazingly bright, sensitive, sweet, rambunctious little boy. We still have our little quirks, but he is overcoming any issues they may cause, and moving forward. Even though he has a kindle and iPad at his disposal I am happy to report that without me monitoring him, he is putting them down more and more on his own – especially since Lydia has joined our lives. When the tablets were new, he was overplaying them for sure. But, I honestly think he gets bored of things easily (at times) and he needs to keep feeding his brain more variety (wish he would feed his mouth more variety too!). I will say he has tried many new foods than ever before so we are at least moving in a positive direction in that regard. He is playing with many different types of toys throughout the day, and loves to go outside and play too. He loves going on adventures, even if that “adventure” is to a new store with Mommy, or outside to plant some flowers. Even though at times he seems complex in what he needs; he also loves simplicity. He can be happy just exploring some place he hasn’t been in a little bit and find it new again. I love seeing the world through his eyes.